The big "C"

This is a longer blog entry then normal but bare with me :-)

When I hear the big “C” I almost always think of the furry blue Cookie Monster from Sesame Street that sings, “C is for Cookie! That’s good enough for me!” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, or need a refresher, here’s the link to that clip in the show - cookie. (Gotta love the internet!).  

Unfortunately, I’m not talking about cookies, or any other fun and innocent word that starts with C. I’m talking about cancer. It’s everywhere these days! Many of you reading this are aware of my own history with cancer. I was 8 months old when I was first diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma in the lung. I underwent two years of chemotherapy and went on to have a life just like anyone else, filled with friends, sports, vacations, and family gatherings.

I went on to graduate high school, college, graduate school. I got married, lived in Colorado then back to Virginia; had various jobs then started teaching and getting more involved in my church. Nothing earth shattering or crazy, just a normal life like anyone else. Then in 2005, at the age of 28, after a series of events including a miscarriage, I was once again diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma. This time it was in my bladder and it stumped the doctors as to whether or not it was a stem from the original (despite the 26 year gap) or a new strain (which in of itself is strange because Rhabdo is a childhood cancer). Regardless, they modified the protocol from a child to an adult and I underwent 42 weeks of chemo, 5 weeks of daily radiation, and a surgery. Despite the fact that my surgeon and oncologist couldn’t find a case like mine, they successfully treated me and resected the tumor without me losing my bladder (which was a serious possibility). As difficult as it was, God showed me a lot during this time about myself and my faith in him. So much good came out of something so bad that I can honestly say I don’t regret the experience.

It’s been over five years since my last dose of chemotherapy and life returned to normal. I guess if normal is selling your house, quitting your job, and moving to the second poorest country in the western hemisphere! But, you know what I mean.

That brings us to now, and why I am choosing to write this. I’ve been home from Nicaragua since November 4th. I have had a problem breathing from my left nostril since July. I’ve tried treating it on my own several ways without success. Prior to seeing a doctor I discovered a large growth in my nose and he tried other remedies that ultimately didn’t work and was referred to an ENT. After a CT and MRI to determine the origin of this “enormous polyp” I had it surgically removed the day before Thanksgiving. The initial report did not determine whether or not it was benign. They couldn’t figure out what it was and sent it to Harvard Medical Center to be looked at a world renowned sarcoma expert. After sending a copy of my report to my former oncologist, he called me to give me the heads up that it didn’t look good for me. He said there is a chance it could be a funky benign tumor but with my history and the type of tissue it is made up of, it’s unlikely. So now, I am playing the waiting game once again to find out for sure.  Do I have cancer again? Maybe. Probably. Hopefully not. But if I do, I’m ready.

My relationship with Jesus Christ is what gets me through my life storms (and I’ve had quite a few). Sometimes it’s hard but when I put all my trust in Him, in return I have a peace and sense of joy and thanksgiving that only he could give. He is ultimately taking care of me and knows his plan for me, even if I don’t ever know why things happen the way they do. It’s not always easy to not worry or be anxious about things. I’ll admit when I first thought this could be cancer, I told my sister I was scared and I freaked out a bit. But once I got that out of my system and refocused on God’s truth, I’ve been at peace ever since. 

So right now, we wait to hear the final word. In the meantime, Dustin and I decided to distract ourselves with a little road trip. We were told, just a few days ago, that Dustin’s best friend’s wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. We both care about this family tremendously and have decided to visit them to fellowship and encourage them. We’ll then drive through Canada, visit Niagara Falls, and end up at my Dad’s house on Long Island for an early Christmas celebration. Dustin leaves for Nicaragua tomorrow for a week to take care of some business the two of us couldn’t get to since we had to leave abruptly. We leave as soon as he gets back!

I’ll update my blog as soon as I hear something but I was told it could take up to another 2-3 weeks to get the final report. If you are the praying type, send a few my way please. :-) You can never receive too much prayer!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)